side by side, the incandescent smoke slices through the silence in the room. i shouldn’t have led us back here, but all i have to my being is beyond me now. the room feels alive, tension trying so hard not to breathe out of the walls. warmth swirls around us both, a reminder that it’s just me and him; alone. the only sound comes from his second exhale, pouring more smoke into the room from perfectly smooth lips. he’s never done something like this before, i consider as i idly rub a thumb over the scabs defiling my own.

his mouth stops moving, just slightly open like he has something to say, but he never does. he passes it to me, and it’s possibly the first time in years someone’s skin has even brushed against my own. it’s possibly the first time since we came in that we’ve make eye contact. blood pounds in my ears, in my throat. for more than a considerable moment, i’m convinced i’m going to puke. his eyes fucking glitter even in the darkness of the room, and i swear i’ve never felt so high in my life.

god forgive me, all humans are capable of falling victim to sin. you have to believe me. if one is to resist temptation eternally, why must the devil himself perch so pathetically in my peripheral every second he’s close enough to hear me speak. is it a test or have i already been damned. is this my punishment. when the cosmos collide, when the universe must end to create a new one, the only punishment lingering will be my own filthy guilt.

but when both of our eyes are closed, the collide eclipses the guilt for one euphoric second. the subsequent seconds don’t allow the collide to end. nothing could stop this now, i just feel filthier with each breath i take from his mouth. everything i fear is sinking his teeth into my neck, throwing his shirt onto my bedroom floor. the tension in the walls bursts, the waterfall coming back to bite us in the ass and i just can’t stop.

the sun dawns nowhere in the darkness of a windowless room. i’m just alone again.